CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

He could have killed me. He just externally triggered my memories from England with his letter because after I experienced an abusive incident in 2018, it happened the same way – I kept asking for help and services were sending me away saying it was BPD when I had PTSD symptoms at the time and now I have new symptoms I’m trying to control – they don’t realise it now causes me to have emotional flashbacks, outbursts of emotion, pacing, headaches, and full on ptsd attacks with intense fear to the point it’s extremely difficult to study.

This is what I didn’t want.

This is why I wanted the BPD label removed because my brain will get damaged more in the future due to the amount of trauma I’ve experienced in my life, and I’m trying to keep myself in the present moment and trying extremely hard with that. I don’t know what they mean by waiting until I’m stable when my childhood flashbacks and abuse flashbacks are coming in waves. And it’s not a nice experience.

My GP said my BPD label has been removed and replaced with CPTSD.

The thing is, the more these professionals are horrible to me, the more it sets me back in my recovery and keeps me behind with my university work and that’s the only positive thing I have left to hold on to in life.

I’m trying to stay alive, I’m not trying to seek attention or cause trouble.

Just there’s a lot of abuse in the mental health profession if someone has a BPD label and there needs to be a law introduced against that to prevent what happened to me.

Most people with BPD have been abused. Same with people with NPD.

So there’s no point using labels against people because some people are misdiagnosed and it does some serious harm to them.

They don’t seem to realise I have a dad with the rare personality disorder NPD and my CPTSD crisis will be permanent because it was my whole childhood.

My mum hung herself because of psychological abuse with my dad.

They don’t have a clue the life I’ve had and how dangerous it is to do that. My mum is extra vulnerable because she has BPD and CPTSD.

They don’t have a clue what they’re doing.

I have CPTSD for a reason. My dad has no awareness of his NPD and I’ve experienced multiple traumatic events in my life on top of that like sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and physical violence.

I will never be healed now, and I have to try to accept that and adapt to a new way of life.

I never stood a chance at getting the help I needed when younger.

So before they chuck these labels around, just remember, some people lived horrible lives and yes I switch between my mum and my dad as that happens in CPTSD too, but it’s only because my dad clings on to me like I’m his “special daughter”, and I came up here to try escape all my abuse and live for the first time.

Unfortunately my brain collapsed. It collapsed.

So if they want to label that as BPD they’re more than welcome to, but when you’ve parented a man with NPD your whole life, then come to me and say I’m this or that. They have no clue of my life history.

Like England, they never gave me a chance.

Yes I was also born with ADHD like my dad but his NPD is separate – it took me 20 years to convince him to go to the NHS mental health team and he was turned away because of his NPD because they know he’s got it. Okay?

So please. Just stop. With the games.

I’m not taking anyone to court, I’m trying to keep myself alive. I had court for a legal error that happened in 2018 when I had my first PTSD attacks. That was it.

No hidden intentions. No hidden motives. But you know one thing? When you judge people by a label? It has severe consequences, especially if someone has been misdiagnosed.

Yes it was England’s fault because they knew of my traumatic history hence they’ll try extra hard to cover it up for Scotland if Scotland contacts NHS England.

They’ll probably succeed. But I can’t escape that. So I’m just going to suffer in silence.

And they can do what they want but all I ask, is to not write the opposite of what we discussed down on paper. Because it caused a lot of damage. And triggered me back into this state.

I need to get the law passed so people with BPD and NPD (if they have it) are not discriminated against by healthcare professionals when seeking help because we have a lot more awareness nowadays and mental health are very behind on updated research.

So my PTSD crisis will never stop now without that help. I’m screwed for life.

To assess the damage to my brain I’m paying for a brain scan as it measures that so I can see if it is reversible.

When I explained my PTSD caused brain changes in 2018 Englands mental health team laughed at me and said “we aren’t neurologists you know”.

Doctors thought my PTSD attacks was Multiple Sclerosis.

So please just be really careful triggering me because I don’t think it’s fair for you all to do that anymore when I’m just trying to survive.

I need to make sure I stay alive. That’s my only concern right now, not your opinions.