CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

I died this year. I lost myself.

But that’s because my brain is now officially an adult. My mums brain changed at the age of 32. That’s when scientists realised that’s the age adolescence ends in recent studies. So if you’ve gone through childhood trauma that has been severe, your brain will change at age 32. That’s the start of adulthood.

That’s the age your untreated mental illnesses are now irreversible. I failed myself. I fought for help for years and now my brain is fully developed. I’m stuck for life with chronic mental illnesses.

That’s why I developed CPTSD at the age of 32.

It was inevitable.

I didn’t save myself on time.

I now have permanent brain damage. I know that. Science doesn’t lie.

In other words, this is going to be my whole adulthood. One filled with pain.

I’m sorry mum. You had to deal with BPD from childhood trauma and then CPTSD from the age of 32, when you changed and were no longer you.

It happened to me at the same age.

I’m sorry I failed us. I tried to fix it.

I’m trying to get NPD and BPD put under PTSD because they are subtypes of PTSD.

I’ll do what I can. Dad’s NPD is from his childhood trauma but he has no awareness of the psychological impact. Because his PD is very rare.

We need to change this system.

I’m only like my dad in the sense I have ADHD too, that’s why I’m in conflict with myself. Because I’m a trigger of myself. Hence I’ve turned into Hemingway.

Yes I do remember at the age of 9 when my dad picked me up by the throat and slammed me against the wall at Hayley’s. Then he ran out the house. It came back to me.

Because of his undiagnosed ADHD at the time. He’s not violent anymore. Because of me. In fact, he now has empathy. Because of me. He said please don’t hurt your mum. And gets upset. So, he’s treating his childhood trauma. It took me 20 years to trigger it.

I have to change the system. I have no choice.

💔