CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

Effect of C-PTSD on People With Bipolar Disorder

How bipolar can show up in men

🔺 During manic or hypomanic episodes

Men often show activation and intensity, sometimes more than euphoria.

Common behaviours include:

Thinking & speech

Racing thoughts Talking very fast, jumping topics Feeling they’ve “figured everything out” Big ideas, big plans, big explanations

Beliefs

Inflated confidence or certainty Feeling uniquely right, chosen, or wronged Legal, financial, or “truth-revealing” missions Overestimating outcomes (money, justice, fame, success)

Behaviour

Impulsivity (spending, quitting jobs, confrontations) Risk-taking Increased irritability or anger (very common in men) Reduced sleep without feeling tired

Emotional tone

Can be euphoric or edgy, agitated, defensive Easily frustrated when challenged Strong reactions to perceived injustice

⚠️ Mania does not always look happy — in men it often looks angry, driven, and argumentative.

I’m throwing myself in the deep end to try and remember what is the truth and what isn’t. I think you have CPTSD from dad. I don’t think you had BPD. Dad has real NPD and bipolar but he’s also ADHD. I think he’s a borderline too which confuses things. I can’t tell anymore but MH won’t help me figure it out. They just like labels to throw at me. It’s quite annoying.

What does this transcript represent? Any mental health experts want to analyse my dad’s way of thinking? Would help me in my recovery?

“He stood back, he was supposed to go into the garage, in 1999, his financial advise Paul bowman who took his life 9byears ago he’s dead now, hang on a minute, I got community service right, three months later I got nicked for yeah and if I was supposed and I went mad and because of my autism and how nice I am I take day by day and your mom was the next one. 

And the * with

I but my * made me get me nicked and they said if you plead guilty and go in that court today if you don’t plead guilty you will go to prison and that’s when I had custody of * in 2011 so I got scared and I had no help nothing. No one to talk to, I pleaded guilty but now because all these years have gone past, and I tell you something now Natalie I’m 11th in the country to have a lie detector done they’re he a copy of that if I clear my name so how much compensation will I get? So I’ll sort all my kids out with money so I can retire. But you will be asked to come to court against * you know that don’t you. You know me better than anyone Natalie, I even had a problem with one of your friends when you was a kid, little kids don’t do nothink for me, it wouldn’t cross my mind if people can do that that’s not me yeh I set up business in care home yh I get angry and smash things yh that’s it yh and women lie the courts will believe two people rather than one but women do lie. It’s just ridiculous so you’ll be coming to court to stand up for your dad against * I’m no pervert. People accused me because of my autism and depression I spend months crying alone yh then I go back to work but there’s nuthink wrong with me and I’m scared of your mom getting in trouble for it but she didn’t care about me but the evidence is there but her statements are all inconsistent and if I do a documentary I’m going to use their lawyers if they think I’ve got a good case because I want to help women who go through domestic violence and want to help them have a better life  I’m totally against women who lied about things that never happened and unfortunately at Harley street I was in my 20’s it doesn’t make any sense at all I mean I wouldn’t even have the bottle to do it, i don’t remember anythink I just get restless and have to spend money yh I had a massive row with mum that day, but yeah my ADHD and Autism means I’ve been taken advantage of and I think it should be addressed carefully out there I’ve got no problem with the police and one day I will clear my name and I can retire nicely in Spain. Yeah but you’re a woman Natalie a real abused woman in your life but you have some problems but my problems with * but she is the most nastiest person and she’s stil upsetting the blokes she’s been with she did the same to * and the same to * , telling everyone up there how narcissistic I am you know what * did the judge wasn’t happy with your * erm * turned around to the judge and said did you know he’s on the * , is anyone else listening to this conversation? FBI or something?

They better not be, your mum said “you shouldn’t have custody of my son you’re unwell and they said I got 5 years oh arrested for nothing yh and they said when they’ve reviewed everything they took me to crown court and I had everything revoked, they went through everything I don’t fall into that category and I walked past this door in probation they kept me away from everyone else but I’m not a threat to no one and the police took me to Royston to have a lie detector done which is on record but yeah your * put a knife to your throat when you were 9 she very clever your life should be a movie cos you’re a grown woman you’re old enough to know and you’ve turned into me now you was quiet and you’re a beautiful woman. But your mum didn’t think of you. I think it all tallies what been going so don’t worry you have ADHD like me but I can’t talk about your mum today I’ll get angry outbursts. Love you Nat bye x 

I had to cut some bits out and add in the other bits I remember. He’s manic. I’m laughing. Howling. He’s got bipolar not NPD. Oops. That’s where I get it from on top of my CPTSD.

They said I don’t need help for my mental health whilst I’m having ptsd attacks. So CAB it is tomorrow.

The state the MH system is in is ridiculous. They really messed up and hurt me so badly that my brain damage is irreversible. How are they allowed to do that to people?

They kill people.

I’ve lost so much weight during this distress now 6.5 stone and the fact that they haven’t done anything about it is the most isolating experience ever. At least I love being alone.

Just takes one external trigger doesn’t it for your brain to have a catastrophic personality change and you lose yourself? And they’ll just hurt you even more.

I just said to them, well I didn’t know you could randomly get BPD at the age of 32.

I had no clue actually that that was possible.

I don’t want anyone else to go through what I have.

Years of me trying to get the help and support just to be “labelled” rather than helped?

It’s caused permanent damage.

I hate taking people to court, but it’s the only way to save my life in the long run. Otherwise I’ll never have a voice.

But then when your brain breaks, what other option is left?

Developed all the physical conditions associated with PTSD since being in Scotland in the PTSD workbook.

I value the NHS. I don’t value being watched whilst I’m dying slowly by mental health services who just don’t care or even understand PTSD or CPTSD. They don’t know what it really is.

If they knew, I’d have got the support ages ago. Unfortunately it’s too late. Far too late.

I might not have been able to fight for my own needs. But I’ll fight for others instead. So others don’t have to go through this until they have their EPCACE.

(Enduring personality change after catastrophic experience).

They don’t know what CPTSD is. I have it on top of PTSD now.

The worst.

I’m going to see if I can get a new law passed where they can’t use a label against someone. I had the BPD label used against me for years despite never having a pervasive pattern of the symptoms.

I have with ADHD but that’s been since birth.

Some conditions are diagnosed way too much, they’ve got no awareness of neurodivergence, and to be honest, the whole MH system needs a change.

Now I know how Ernest Hemingway felt. Really I do.

His CPTSD destroyed him. I won’t let that happen anymore.

He’s the only one that understands me.

As he said: and the last five months have taught me this.

“When people talk, listen completely, most people never listen”.

“Write what hurts”

“There’s nothing noble about being superior to your fellow man, only to your former self”.

“You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering”.

He was right.

He was never bipolar.

He had CPTSD. His brain change happened and he didn’t have a voice so he wrote his books. 📚

I’ve just kept this blog as a counselling session really. But, he was right.

Every word of his makes sense. Every crisp word.

He knew. And now so do I.

I’m just permanently damaged I think.

My brain is damaged.

That one label, a label that I don’t even have, took my whole life from me.

I spoke up hundreds of times before this change happened. These were new symptoms, and now I realise I was suffering from PTSD for many years and now it’s permanent CPTSD.

I’m never going to get through this. 💔