CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

January 18, 2026

This is the part I become someone who’s untouchable.

I’m unstoppable today… I feel really restless today. Just I’m so angry. With negative people, taking the mick out of the fact I was repetitively abused as a child. They keep asking me to “prove it”. When my ptsd attacks have been severe severe and they intentionally let me suffer. WHAT THE F IS WRONG…

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January 18, 2026

This is going to be an awful next couple of months for me. Not only did I just have to deal with the CPTSD and PTSD I now have to try and calm the mania but I need my sertraline to calm the PTSD which intensifies the mania. And if I take a mood stabiliser it’s going to be bad for the CPTSD. I’m screwed. I’m in catch 22. This isn’t good. Steve Cargill messed that one up for me. I needed trauma therapy. Why ignore me? Hmm? Why write lies?

😂😂😂 Ffs. 🤦‍♀️ So I have to do what I did in 2018. Wait to come out the mania and then take the sertraline to calm the PTSD. But I can’t be in mania when I take it otherwise I’ll be dancing on top of buildings and my bones will break because of my Ehlers…

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January 18, 2026

Accurate footage of me being booted out of England for trying to change the mental health system in 2018. I felt like Mark Twain in that moment.

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January 18, 2026

An appreciate post ❤️

This is an appreciation post to my university who have looked out for me during the bipolar episodes. I apologise for the PTSD/CPTSD episodes, but unfortunately multiple traumas rose to the surface unexpectedly. Also a special thank you to the police in 2018 when they were driving me to the mental health team to try…

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January 18, 2026

Bipolar & Me

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January 18, 2026

On top of the CPTSD and AuDHD I now have to deal with the bipolar: it’s coming. I’m ramping up more rapidly than I expected. Worse than childhood. I’m only putting a message on here now because I’ll lose capacity. 2018 has repeated itself. Hold on. Don’t panic. Excuse the pun. 2007 was my first episode of this. This is going to be the worst episode I’ve ever had. So you’re going to have to brace yourselves.

We love creativity and learning. The CPTSD can go away though. I like the bipolar. I complete my assignments very well when I’m not too manic. The CPTSD is the worst though. I can’t handle so many flashbacks. I end up numbing out.

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January 18, 2026

Why are people so intellectually thick?

I’ve always wondered this. People used to say “you can’t have ptsd symptoms if you can write” – whilst reading Ernest Hemingway’s books and claiming he was one of the best writers of all time. I just blink and think, you have to be kidding me right? The hypocrisy deceives you. You aren’t half that…

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January 18, 2026

I have some really 💩 housemates.

There’s a couple that live in my shared house and one thing I can’t stand is when I’m in the kitchen they push me out the way, swear at you, her man will have a go at me for things I’m not doing and one of these days I’m going to give him a slap.…

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January 18, 2026

I will be shortly uploading 800 pages of child abuse to this blog. I need someone to count how many traumatic experiences I have experienced so I can try heal. When I go through it I send my brain back into the past.

Here it goes… I need to know which events to work on for recovery. This was the last resort. I couldn’t get help from the mental health teams over the years. So I’m having to take the last action. I’m not going to let Steve Cargill bring me down.

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January 18, 2026

I still can’t believe my brain blanked it all out.

I’ve listed 7 men that sexually abused me in childhood above the age of 18 at the time. The flashbacks keep creeping up. How did I dissociate and forget? Whyyy. I was trying to enjoy life and my independence before 2018. I basically lived on the streets as a child and still managed to come…

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