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Cover ups. Can’t stand them.
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I keep rocking on the floor, expressing my intrusive memories, and pacing with outbursts of random emotion. I didn’t want to be externally triggered again, but I have a feeling that Steve Cargill wants to kill me hence he used my prior emotional abuse against me. I hope I pull through. Then we can sue…
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They all blamed me. Then gave me the BPD label. I thought Scotland was different, I was wrong. I didn’t want to be wrong, But they’ve proven it to me. Steve did. You can’t trust anyone in this world, They’ll take what happened to you and make you out to the be the problem rather…
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Men. This is why Steve Cargill doesn’t want to give me trauma therapy for it so my CPTSD and dissociative PTSD gets worse over time. Oh well. They damaged me. Steve Cargill said I have to accept it’s my fault because I’m the one with BPD. So I’m internalising that and trying to accept it’s…
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As a small child I was happy and free, Until the age of seven when I was no longer me. I forgot how to smile and ripped out my hair, I forgot how to live and life got worse from there. I’d escape to the library and immerse myself in books, They were my only…
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My dad has real NPD, My brain is setting it free. My mother has real BPD, I’m an INFJ. How to be an INFJ? One parent has to have NPD, the other BPD. You become an empath with an INFJ brain. The problem with being an INFJ is, your dark side is narcissism. Your light…
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I keep praying Carl Jung will get me through. Fingers crossed…
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I slope in my room, Pacing up and down, Laughing randomly into my fist, Thoughts of wanting to drown. My headaches are intense, The tension a little heavy, The childhood flashbacks immense, A fight for survival at the ready. Differentiated consciousness is what I’ve gained from God, The gift of discernment, Only 5% of trauma…
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I wrote this poem about what it feels like living with dissociative PTSD (BPD) from childhood that comes and goes. On top of my CPTSD. CPTSD was a label created for abused women with BPD and a history of prolonged trauma with PTSD attacks. Basically everything I experienced – unfortunately, NHS Highland refused me trauma…
CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified 