CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

Especially because they keep doing what they’re doing to be cruel and spiteful. Whereas me? I’m trying to save my own life.

Because of my mum. Because of my family that have wanted me dead for a long time. After all the hurt they’re trying to do for me, we need new political change in Scotland. They don’t want to help people. Trust me.

I’m never going to get better. It’s too late. I’m already dead. Have you ever felt helpless like you can’t escape from the psychological manipulation and it traumatises you? Same.

Tired of hearing from Steve Cargill and the NHS mental health team “what do you want help with Natalie?” I’m a human computer. I’m in a system reboot. So I need the assistance so I can un programme myself to return to stability. It’s simple science.

Click to access Case-Studies-6.pdf

Complex trauma. That’s all I ever asked. I don’t understand how it’s been so difficult to get throughout life. Why it’s been difficult to get? Why they are persistent on bringing you down?

My family can hate me for exposing them. But it’s not something I would intentionally do unless I really needed the long term help and support and when I read Steve Cargill’s letter I thought to myself, I’m going to end up dying from clinical negligence unless they listen to me. But as Hemingway said “When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen”. All of his words make sense. He was having emotional flashbacks of his childhood. He kept pacing having outbursts of emotion. The poor man was labelled as bipolar because bipolar looks similar to CPTSD. I understand his brain now and why it changed. I understand how trauma can suddenly change us and we can only remember our former selves. I’ve never been racist, fascist, I’ve always helped people in life because I’ve always been alone within myself. As soon as my brain changes, I isolated myself, had my rapid cycling bipolar mood swings before the PTSD attacks hit, but I’m an INFJ I can tell my own future which is what I did in 2019. No one will understand a real INFJ. We are so rare that it’s impossible to be understood. But INFJ is not CPTSD. Both together, well that’s challenging. As Einstein said “The true evil of the world isn’t those who who do evil things but those who watch on and don’t do anything about it”. My needs never mattered to the people who were supposed to love me. It took my brain to change completely to figure that out. INFJ’s need intensive therapies. We are a phenotype. We’re not even supposed to exist. It defies scientific explanation.

Hate to say it mum but your little puppet show is over. You were never a mother to me. If you didn’t want me you should have put me up for adoption instead of using me as leverage.

In England in 2018, my psychologist at the time said “Natalie, do you have any friends?” I said no. I used to, from school pre-2018, but we had ASD or ADHD but the inattentive type. I distanced myself after emotional abuse and my PTSD hit me. They looked at me scared. I bumped into them in the street and they looked really scared of me. And I thought to myself – but I like being alone, so why are you scared? What is it with being scared, then said “please go to Scotland to be with your mum”. My mum didn’t want me. You deliberately missed my PTSD and made go through hell to try and get support then too, and now I have re-experience that ordeal to the point my brain is now permanently damaged. I understand how the mental health system works now.

They’ll kill you before you even have a voice. I was foolish to trust the SNP to begin with. That’s why I haven’t registered to vote this time round. All they do is hurt people, deliberately.

She’s always put me down ever since I was a young child. She treated me differently to the other children. She cut me out her life randomly 6 years ago, and is very close to higher up politicians. I found a diary I had written at the age of 8 when I had DESNOS. I suffered from DESNOS since I was around 7 ish I think. And I wrote in it “I don’t understand why my mum hates me so much”.

An INFJ can recover from narcissistic abuse and manipulation because their whole body makeup is trauma.

I was scared of dying at the age of 7. I thought that was normal at that age to think that way.

I couldn’t figure it out at the age of 8.

Now I have to deal with the discrimination from NHS Highland on top who refuse to help people who genuinely need help.

I won my court case. At least they understand. I fight for my needs in my life and I never get anywhere because it’s always been prevented because of narcissists although I do admit I was born AuDHD. That’s consistent throughout my life. I first PTSD criteria attacks were in 2018. This is my first major catastrophic personality change where I have new symptoms of emotional flashbacks etc. like Kanye. Like Ernest Hemingway and they had similar childhood experiences. Definitely not bipolar. Mine keeps getting externally triggered by people who remind me of a past abusive event. Although you are 10x more likely to have bipolar disorder if you have CPTSD. Bipolar disorder used to be known as the “tortured genius”.

She turned her friends against me. You name it.

She stopped me going to my great nans funeral.

She turned my grandma against me recently?

My dad doesn’t want me dead. She does. She would do anything because she lives in Scotland to see me dead.

She’ll thrive on it.

Good luck with your games. Because I’m not playing them.

“Oh she’s mentally unwell” – yeah probably because of you.

“She’s acting like her dad” – yeah probably because of you.

That’s nice. My weight now 6.5 stone with PTSD attacks and all sorts, and the MH teams contact you and you’re like “but I have PTSD” – I’ve never seen one CPTSD attack from you love. Only PTSD but that’s BPD.

Me? I’ve lost weight, I’ve had multiple, whilst you’re sitting there spinning your fantasy stories. Yes dad has NPD but he doesn’t go round spinning stories. He has CPTSD too on top of his autism. Without a doubt.

In fact he said recently “be careful, your mum wants to hurt you up there, she’ll kill you if she could”.

My dad said “she’s giving you the silent treatment and telling them you have bipolar or are a narcissist”.

I think im starting to figure that out dad.

Definitely.

So come on then NHS Highland give it your best shot. Try and kill me. Try and kill me.

That’s why my mum cut me out her life suddenly and would make up stories about me.

Knew it. The thing is you’re both vulnerable so I don’t take sides. I just speak up against injustice and ignorance.

Well I’m paying for trauma therapy, myself and getting myself better. And removing myself from all negativity so I can finally live.

I don’t need anyone’s silly little games and web of lies to bring me down.

A woman raised by narcissists can be destroyed but never defeated. 🤷‍♀️ I’ve got you Hemingway, don’t you worry.

We’re going to change this system together.

I’m a time traveller. That’s why I said I had CPTSD in 2019.

Time isn’t linear. Science won’t understand CPTSD. Unless you have two narcissistic parents.

The university of Cambridge said that CPTSD is closely linked to psychotic symptoms which arise from a trigger of developmental trauma. I told the future 7 years ago, I don’t know how to this day. Until, I had my first CPTSD attacks.

When you have two narcissistic parents you’re a different being entirely. My PTSD is from other forms of trauma like sexual violence, etc in my life. But everything is connected.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11496218/

Don’t let them break you.