CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

So my CPTSD is new. My first PTSD attacks were in 2018.

My timeline went all wrong.

Everything just came up at once when I entered the ni-ti loop.

So it really was England who destroyed my brain by telling the police to ignore me in 2018?

Right. Okay. I understand why they like to use the BPD label against women now.

My CPTSD is related to my trauma though.

So I had a manic episode in 2018 didn’t I? My first one. At the same time as the standardised PTSD. And now I’m rapid cycling.

But in 2018, I lost complete control and started panicking, screaming, having uncharacteristic anger outbursts whilst my brain was vibrating and I had waves of knowledge I didn’t have before in my life. Age 26 was my first manic episode wasn’t it?

They only have to get the footage from Hertfordshire police from between 2018-2019 and the reports and cross compare with now to look at what’s different.

So whoever permanently changed my brain. Congratulations.

At least I tried to get help for myself. You and your label mentality is what’s destroying the NHS mental health system and people’s lives. Because let’s face it, most don’t go into it to help others do they? They go into it to help themselves and think it’s fun to throw a label at people. But it’s not okay.

It’s not okay at all until you definitely know what’s wrong with that person because what you’re really doing is killing people.

Bipolar type 1 associated with creativity affects 0.6% of the population I know that, that’s why I felt I had it before CPTSD hit me.

I just connect patterns. I was born Autistic. I only do well in subjects I have intense hyperfocus on. But you can’t always see mental illness. Especially not bipolar type 1. It’s so rare, it’s even more rare than the INFJ-t personality type.

Does God want to give me any more rare conditions, I seem to have the full dictionary right now. Every one of my ailments is having a game of volleyball in my mind.

In 2018 they said “Natalie you don’t want bipolar and if you have bipolar it means you’re rapid cycling which is extremely rare so it must be BPD”.

Extremely rare?

Do you know why? Because it’s usually from undiagnosed bipolar in childhood. And I’m about to have the most severe manic episode of my life with no support this time. Because of the BPD label. England knew that didn’t they which is why they diagnosed it as BPD.

That’s why I was confused thinking well whatever happened to me in 2018 had never happened to me before. It was my first true manic episode they didn’t see it. Took seven months, it was triggered by emotional abuse and I had my first PTSD attacks at the same time.

Yet, the services just watched me. Suffer. Now I have to relive that all over again but this time with CPTSD.

Prior to that I had hypomania and depression that would occur during the same months as now. Unless bipolar type 1 is a symptom of CPTSD. Look at Britney Spears, Kanye West.

My brains damaged. For life.

They said you don’t want bipolar -it’s the most painful mental health condition out there – a horrendous condition to have.

What made them think I wanted anything like that? Except if I was in England now they’d diagnose it as bipolar type 1, CPTSD, ASD & ADHD and PTSD.

I’m never getting better am I?

I can’t tell on top of my CPTSD. CPTSD is rarely a standalone condition.

It’s not a fashionable diagnosis trust me. But CPTSD at the same time? I’m in trouble aren’t I? I need to get into trauma therapy as soon as possible and this will also stabilise the bipolar manic episodes.

Scotland said I don’t have bipolar disorder. They’ll be correct in I don’t have the 1994 term of bipolar disorder. I have the 1800’s term bipolar disorder – which is bipolar type 1 associated with creativity which is extremely rare and we normally look okay on the outside so takes on average 15 years to pick up.

I can’t deal with both at the same time.

I’m not that strong.

I’m going to end up arrested if I go into 2018 manic episode up here. Not out of choice but Hertfordshire constabulary have the footage on their body cams of me pacing and sprouting ideas and getting confused thinking “she has bipolar but how does she know she has it?”

Blame the books I read as a teenager.

Me running from additional mental health issues…

Fuck. I’m in the prodrome.

Since the mental health system in Scotland is ignorant, with additional CPTSD, this could kill me.

I’m about to enter a manic episode so my sertraline wont be affective for my CPTSD until it ends. Fuck.

Why me?

Now what do I do? I don’t want to get in trouble with the law. This helps.

This is going to be so bad. They thought I was manic just then. Oh they haven’t seen 2018. At all.