CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

The world will ask you who you are.

If you don’t know, the world will tell you.

My INFJ ni-ti loop is significantly affecting my CPTSD. But I’ve been in the ni-ti loop many times in my life and didn’t have these symptoms. So no INFJ is not the same as CPTSD.

But…

If I can heal from my trauma. I can change the mental health system.

That was the purpose given to me by higher forces.

The ni-ti loop on top of CPTSD. Oh that’s traumatising.

People may as well throw a brick at me, it will hurt less. I’ll tell you why Hitler became evil. He was born with ADHD and was an INFJ because INFJ’s are neurodivergent. He wanted his art. He was rejected from college (despite his art being surprisingly good) he experienced so much trauma that it completely changed his brain. He developed CPTSD and bipolar. This aggravated his INFJ ni-ti loop which gave him the delusion that the Jews were out to harm people hence he shot himself when he regretted his actions. The thing with me is I could never become evil. It’s not in my core-makeup. I wouldn’t want to be violent or evil. You want to prevent evil. Trauma therapy is the way to go, from an early onset. I asked for years. Years. And people ignored me in England. Chucked the BPD label at me. I was trying to stay alive, keep myself strong, I was paying for creative therapies to try and survive, going to creative groups to try and heal myself. Then this happened. And in those five months, all I had was “BPD”. Same old story, different timeline. You don’t know what mental health conditions are. You have no clue. You don’t have that personal experience.

The issue is I have with NHS Highland mental health team and my psychiatric nurse is his betrayal triggered me back into the ni-ti loop. Which is dangerous, very dangerous when you have CPTSD at the same time. So for me to be my best version of my INFJ-t core personality, I need intensive trauma therapy. Of course, they reject Jung’s theories and the MBTI personality tests in the NHS. The question is why? When secret intelligence services use them? They recruit healthy INFJ’s (they can’t recruit an INFJ with CPTSD at the same time until that’s healed, because it’s very dangerous). And I’m getting twitches in the side of my brain and head because of the ignorance. And they say “our lines are for mental health issues”.

Is this what you do to people with BPD? Is this the same rhetoric or chime you use? Do you treat everyone with mental illness that way? I complained asked for an investigation into why when I self harmed the other day because of my CPTSD and PMDD, they said “yeah, well erm you’re going to have a personality disorder if you’ve experienced trauma”. Then tell me this. Why on this planet I’ve never experienced what I’m experiencing now before? Hmm? If that’s the case, I had my first BPD symptoms at age 7. So do you want to explain that one for me? And I was born with Asperger’s syndrome (ASD) and inattentive ADHD and have hEDS.

Hmm. Little odd. Apparently, they were correct with their BPD diagnosis. Right. Okay. I can see why people have to pay privately now.

Oh thanks for the catastrophic weight loss whilst I was reliving my traumatic events over the past 5 months. Appreciated. You could have killed me. But that never mattered to you did it? Didn’t think so.

Right. Okay. So I’m enjoying sitting here having ptsd attacks. Oh yeah. I’m having a right good time.

“Well your CPN knows you best”.

🙄🙄 None of them know me, they never even gave me a chance. They just CHUCKED THE BPD LABEL AT ME.

Seriously. Well it’s done a lot of damage. A lot of damage.

I wouldn’t be too scared of me now NHS Highland. I’d be absolutely petrified of me when I’ve worked through my CPTSD with a specialised trauma therapist I have to pay for privately myself, because you don’t understand my personality type and the combination of having CPTSD with it because you don’t know what the combination of INFJ and CPTSD does to someone. As well as PTSD. You don’t have a clue. Because it’s rare to meet an INFJ anyway. So before you go round throwing your BPD label around let me make something clear. I’ve had to deal with that 💩 since I was like 8 from mental health teams. You want to play your silly games, go right ahead, but when I finally heal my trauma, I will be changing the mental health system and there’s absolutely nothing you can do to stop me.

Look, CPTSD made Hitler evil, but he was born ADHD. And an INFJ.