CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

This is partly why I always advocate for mental health to be put on the same wavelength as physical health because it would have enormous benefits to a system so intent on making money in life.

Money is not the answer to a successful life.

You can be broken, but still be successful. In fact, the greatest writers in history were labelled as the tortured genius. They had experienced so much trauma and pain that when their minds exploded, so did their ideas.

Although their ideas were not always correct, they analysed the patterns, questioned their own moral sanity, spoke on things others wouldn’t, and had a powerful gift of discernment.

Some people have asked me in the past: “But if you really have a prolonged history of childhood trauma, you’d be permanently damaged and you look fine on the outside.

Being an INFJ-t personality type carries both its strengths and weaknesses. We can enter the ni-ti loop at any point in our lives, which can be triggered by an external factor, because our biological make-up is both inherited and environmental trauma. This also carries the risk of further trauma.

The most happiest I’ve ever been in life was when I was homeless sleeping on other people’s kitchen floors after leaving my family home because my child benefit had stopped which made me homeless hence my dad wanted me with him until I was 18 – when I had no where to go until I was housed when younger.

I took medication, I rose above that, but I also had difficulties I kept to myself and used creativity and education as an outlet.

Being born AuDHD means your brain works in different ways. I sometimes wonder if bipolar type 1 associated with creativity is really another type of ADHD.

Think of it this way: When my mother thought I had bipolar disorder in 2007, I was diagnosed with two forms of Autism: Asperger’s Syndrome, and Autistic Spectrum Disorder High Functioning as it runs in my family and my father and brother have Autism and ADHD although my dad is more Asperger’s which can look like narcissism but it’s not. But he also developed a PD from his childhood trauma – which he’s been going back to his childhood care home and he self-soothes by buying himself things he never received in childhood and has grown unhealthy attachment bonds to his childhood abusers within the family.

He’s unable to connect with my emotions and expected me to parent him as a child, but really he was a fragile, broken, child – who just worked in his job his whole life and made me stronger by neglecting my emotional needs.

He’s given me the power of insight, the power to transform, the power to take the wounds of the past and reconstruct a new sense of self.