CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

I distanced myself and split up from my ex when I knew my brain would change forever. Unfortunately I shouldn’t have studied psychology or I’d never know although I didn’t do too well in the degree. I only got a 1st in developmental disorders like Autism and schools of psychotherapy. Jungian theory.

Welcome to CPTSD.

I suppose, this is what the system does to women? But I know one thing. I didn’t have outbursts of emotion, I didn’t have pacing, I didn’t have emotional flashbacks in 2018.

My symptoms were different. Hence I was so confused. But who would believe me? No body. To be expected…at least I didn’t run away from men back then in intense fear, and at least I didn’t feel like I had a kind of traumatic brain injury. I had brain changes but injury? It feels like one. I had PTSD symptoms. So it’s still new to me.

I had a different blog at the time. It’s called

You’ll want to read this!! Borderline & the INFJ

Unfortunately, when you’re born an INFJ, you’re going to slip the net. It looks similar to CPTSD because you’re born with built in trauma. And I’m the rarest personality type in the world which means literally anyone can abuse me and get away with it because I’ll always go flying into CPTSD if I am triggered by a reminder of an abusive situation in my childhood or 2018. This time there were new symptoms I couldn’t explain. Painful ones. Not like standard ptsd but worse.

This is why I never reported my rape and told the police I lied as a child when my cousin reported it to the police. I had already had a traumatic upbringing. But everyone’s situation is different.

All I was after was the right support, the correct diagnosis so I could finally live.

They’re waiting for me to go back to “normal” I’ll always be permanently damaged.

I’ll never intentionally commit suicide or self harm. Except when I’m on my period. And it will be on a specific day the day before I’m due on. So I’m writing this in case one day something does happen to me.

Because the system isn’t on my side.

And my brain is going to deteriorate further. I have stutters in speech and more PTSD symptoms because they refused to help for them in 2018.

So I hope someone out there reads both blogs and figures it out for me to save my life.

This is why I’m avoidant with the mental health team. I was trying to figure everything out.

Why did I have to be born an INFJ? That was unlucky.

I wasn’t even looking to get anyone arrested I just wanted my brain changes reversed. Now I’ll probably lose the one thing I’ve always loved – my creativity that kept me alive.

There’s no way out. My brain just broke. There’s no going back. Ever.

The mental health system need to be careful with their perception of “labels”. Have to separate the person from the condition.

I’m not responsible for others abusing me in life, I’m only responsible for advocating for myself for the correct support before things get worse.

This is why the conservatives were nice to house me and give me my own place at a young age.

They helped me and I had no BPD symptoms at the time.

Think it’s time for a bit of a positive change. I’ve never had a criminal record. I’ve had temporary states of anger during PTSD episodes, but it is a symptom of it so yeah that’s going to happen – it’s not nice for the sufferer especially one with a good heart. It causes them pain as well as others.

As the King wanted, I wanted the same. But if the King tried and failed against politicians, it’s not like I’m going to convince them is it?

https://youtube.com/shorts/oz0YUoEqQxg?si=mjcadYT3yaIOipdc

To the left, the right are narcissistic. But are they? Are they really? Or are we all just trying to survive. I don’t think we should be dividing ourselves between right and left. We need to look at ourselves as individuals and work from there. The only way to make change in the world is to start from you. Not try and control outside events.