CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

So that’s why I developed CPTSD recently.

It taught me a life lesson. A lesson that I couldn’t advocate for myself for trauma therapy to guide me through the spiritual awakening process. But I know, despite the healing journey never being linear, that I will survive. And my brain will heal itself. I have CPTSD workbooks, the PTSD workbook. Books on how to manage as an INFJ. Then I’ll be able to write my own book when I’m healed.

When you go through a spiritual awakening you’ll find you will always be left alone. No one around you will help you. You will bring out the rejected side of themselves, the pain they inflict on others, you’ll cause them to reconsider their behaviours, their actions, and force them to take accountability unconsciously. This is uncomfortable for them, so they’ll do anything in their power to hurt you more. But that’s where the beauty is. The more hurt you are by others, the more enlightened you become.

That when you suffer alone? When you have to relive all your traumas, when you’re sitting on your bedroom floor rocking for months, and they cover that up and label you as “BPD” despite the fact my spiritual awakening started in May 2025 separate to everything else which I kind of think America is behind or technology as it’s happening globally.

I was then externally triggered by a man who wanted to bring me down for reasons I don’t know, who made up lies about me, who I don’t know what his intentions were? But it brought back 2018 PTSD incidents and my CPTSD at the same time whilst also enduring the spiritual awakening. INFJ, CPTSD, PTSD, and neurodivergence at the same time? And a spiritual awakening? You can’t get any more unlucky than that.

I just have to trust the process.

INFJ and CPTSD at the same time?

We’re a different kind.

I split up from my ex partner. Not the other way round.

He stated to me “I won’t come back if you find someone else”. But I don’t want anyone else, I don’t even want a relationship with him. And that’s what hurt him. Because I can’t. I’m reacting to men in a romantic way because of 2018 and my childhood.

All I’m interested in is paying back some money I owe him for helping me with my disabilities and being there for me, despite telling people different things about me. Men do that when they don’t want to be perceived as weak for loving someone deeply who was cut off from the world since 2018 in some way.

Now because of my PTSD which is a completely separate condition, although I cared about him. I couldn’t love him. There was attraction, but no love because I was not healed.

Because I was emotionally abused in 2018 from a work environment. Unfortunately, it’s like God put me on a lifetime path of pain so I could spiritually awaken and transform into something I never wanted to be. I’ve never wanted success, enlightenment, psychic abilities, differentiated consciousness.

I didn’t want any of those things.

It’s like my path was designed for me.

But I’m not going to say anything more because I was supposed to be born on Christmas Day and people might think I’m Jesus.

If they do, they’re delusional. Not me.

That’s why I was accused of having schizophrenia, bipolar, and all sorts. I was reaching the final stages of spiritual awakening. No wonder why I’ve got PTSD.

Let’s see what God’s got planned for me. Whilst I just suffer until it’s complete.

I never paid attention to God or the bible, until my spiritual awakening. It’s like I was guided to it.

I think there’s a price to pain. You have to suffer prolonged torture before you can become enlightened.

I’m seeing so many coincidences and synchronicities that it’s like God has opened my mind and showed me my true power, not others false perceptions.