CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

I will admit, I thought my life was over in 2018. I was so so frightened. So scared. I was getting the same level of discrimination from mental health services I am experiencing now, and it lead me nearly end my life.

I had a nice social worker though who prompted me to take Sertraline and although I assumed I recovered, I’ve realised I never did. It was edging to a complete permanent brain injury and brain change. Unfortunately, it was inevitable.

I told Scotland this when I first moved, but as soon as they saw the BPD label, I was ignored. Even though I was sectioned in November and PTSD was visible, they still decided to mask the brain injury.

Why is this so dangerous?

PTSD and CPTSD change the brain. In England they laughed at me in 2018 and said “It’s multiple sclerosis, we aren’t neurologists you know”. But here is the crazy thing! Did you know MS attacks are common in PTSD patients, especially women who have a history of childhood abuse. I went through every kind of abuse you can think of, and basically just went through life with a smile on my face until one day my brain just got put into a food blender and over spilled. Not intentionally. Although no one heard my voice before this happened.

Nobody.

I never thought I’d get better. In England they said “they can’t pick up your PTSD because of your high IQ because IQ remains intact with PTSD so that’s why your intelligence is your curse as you’re less likely to develop PTSD if you’re intelligent. And somehow I did. But to be honest, if anyone sat and read my life story, you’d probably count at least 80 counts of abuse before my brain went flying into a different dimension with differentiated consciousness and all sorts of mystical spiritual madness.

This isn’t me being bitter against the mental health team, but to realise that CPTSD and PTSD are brain injuries. Not someone else’s fault.

The inability to feel positive the majority of days most days does play havoc on your brain.

I’d happily volunteer to do some research into CPTSD to find a permanent cure if I make it out.

I say if… because before? I nearly didn’t.

As a result, I’m in a permanent crisis at the moment as my body is unsafe. I’m penalised for having the ambulance service out, put down for experiencing real physical pain.

I try mend the wounds with them, but it’s like they want me to react against them? What’s the aim? Why?

I will admit, for the first few months they said I was welcome any time but anyone who has gone through the catastrophic brain change knows that at first, we go into rapid cycling bipolar mood swings before the PTSD attacks follow, then the depression episode and if you have other mental health conditions alongside this can exacerbate that.

The depressive stage is the hardest stage, because you have to fight for your own survival whilst experiencing more emotional abuse which kills people, millions across the UK every day.

Sometimes we require patience. I wasn’t ready to speak about my experiences so I could get the right therapy until recently hence I didn’t take up their offer until recently but by then it was too late. They had fabricated what I was diagnosed with when I was sectioned and ultimately intensified the CPTSD.

BPD needs to be removed as a personality disorder as it’s very commonly confused with CPTSD and this prevents people from getting permanent brain damage from conditions like CPTSD, PTSD and bipolar disorder.