CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

Talking about my traumas is re-traumatising me to the point my nervous system and brain has gone into overdrive.

I can’t eat, can’t sleep, I’ve had the ambulance out again. They were really helpful tonight actually which was lovely so they’re going to try and sort things for me.

I’m underweight, I look like I’ve been dragged out of a bush, or come out of a war zone.

I think my body and mind is paying the price of multiple traumas and it’s just gone into overdrive. My CPTSD scores are a 100/100. This is the worst case. Because I don’t take drugs, not on medication, don’t drink. And I’ve gone through long term emotional abuse since a baby basically, and about 80 traumas on top of that in childhood. DESNOS is horrible. It’s honestly like I’ve just come out of a concentration camp. I need to stop talking about them. It’s not helping me right now. I went through more emotional abuse as an adult. No wonder I’m Ernest Hemingway. Ernest Hemingway had army training skills and his doctors kept getting annoyed with him for going too many times. The poor man. I’ve had no army training and I’m sitting trying to stay afloat but I’m just bobbling up and down.

Well if you’ve had CPTSD since you were 9 months old I wouldn’t expect anything less.

My brain has just collapsed. And my body is going with it.

I need to get on the sertraline ASAP and fingers crossed it doesn’t trigger severe mania because I have bipolar on top as I’ve had bipolar episodes without ptsd attacks before but I usually manage them okay because of my previous education.

It’s the CPTSD that’s the issue.

The spiritual crisis of DESNOS.

Trust me, you don’t want it. It’s now known as CPTSD.

I would not recommend. At all.

I need my old doctor right now.

If I knew, if I knew back then I’d end up in the state I’m in now? I would have gone straight for trauma therapy. I’d have said look forget the label. Just forget it. Just give me medication and trauma therapy.

Because my body is on the brink of collapse.

This is so bad.

That’s why England were worried about me being in an emotionally unavailable relationship and kept keeping an eye on me.

Okay everyone I messed up. Majorly. I thought I could survive alone. Yeah, kind of doesn’t work out like that.

Brain is on the brink of extinction. I thought I was strong enough to just shrug

Off my trauma.

Instead, I’ve turned into Ernest Hemingway. I need to find a cure. This is hell.

Ok. Well I messed up ok?

My brain just decided to take a nose dive and my body went along with it.