CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

I’ve always wondered this. Because I hate attention. As in, I couldn’t think of anything worse than being admired, or having sympathy. Just because I was in acting because a paramedic that looked after me when I was emotionally abused worked as a paramedic on set and we would go to work together and he’d look out for me because he had his own prior battles too with PTSD. It’s hard for others to understand it. I’m an INFJ so that’s my stable sense of self. The personality I was born with. It also means we can recover from basically any mental illness – except PTSD and CPTSD. It’s impossible for an INFJ to develop a true personality disorder because we have healing abilities except for trauma based conditions because we are built on trauma. Hence we get physical symptoms and PTSD attacks too. Science isn’t ready for that. I can’t exactly say “I’m the rarest personality type in the world”, people would laugh. You have to keep that part of you hidden from the world. Trauma survivors develop differentiated consciousness. Science can’t explain it. I know why. But they’re not ready for that. That’s why BPD must be PTSD. You’re usually born neurodivergent. Your brains work differently to neurotypicals.

These are my results: According to science I have 7 personality disorders. I’ve repeated it, the same. How do you explain that?

It’s extremely rare. They call it divergent.

Antisocial personality disorder related symptoms: 0.00%

– Borderline personality disorder related symptoms: 25.00%

– Narcissistic personality disorder related symptoms: 0.00%

– Histrionic personality disorder related symptoms: 12.50%

– Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder related symptoms: 50.00%

– Avoidant personality disorder related symptoms: 100.00%

– Dependent personality disorder related symptoms: 0.00%

– Schizotypal personality disorder related symptoms: 100.00%

– Schizoid personality disorder related symptoms: 100.00%

– Paranoid personality disorder related symptoms: 87.50%

Legend:

0 – 13% – No significant symptoms of the disorder.

14 – 38% – Mild presence of personality disorder symptoms.

39 – 63% – Moderate presence of said disorder symptoms.

64 – 82% – Moderate to high personality disorder symptoms.

83 – 100% – Severe presence of disorder symptoms.

When I’m having my PTSD flashbacks, I.E I just wrote about my sexual abuse as a child, my hands are clammy, I have fast palpitations, I’m pacing, but I can’t ask for help because they’ll put down “seeking attention”. I have to sit and suffer. I’m feeling pain in all my body, in my bones. My heart is still racing, I have chest pain. I’m having cold sweats. The headaches come up and you’re rocking on your floor.

But people in my shared house don’t care, they just scoff at me. Yeah well, that’s why I like to be alone because people who haven’t experienced a severe level of trauma have no empathy. Not as much as us.

I like being my independent self. That’s the sad part about it.

I just have to suffer in silence. I can’t even remember what I’ve been doing for the past 5 months, the interactions, I’ve had.

The only thing I have is differentiated consciousness.