CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

I literally just cried on my floor. I just want me back.

The fact that a man at the mental health team can do that to an abused woman is disturbing. I’ve been abused by enough men in my life. I know what they do to women. I’ve been there. I came back from that before. And I’ll do it again, with the right support.

Unfortunately, because the BPD label is chucked around so much, it’s supposed to only affect 0.6% of the population because it’s dissociative PTSD, that the description of it on the NHS website is entirely false and the only beneficiary thing I’ve had to control the dissociative PTSD (BPD) is the PTSD workbook, and Sertraline. That’s what got rid of it before. But now I’m left with CPTSD on top, and born with ADHD, and that’s where I’m now trapped and stuck because Steve Cargill took the EUPD label and applied it to me when the new EUPD label is not BPD at all, the new EUPD label describes Rejection sensitivity dysphoria in people with ADHD. So it’s not relatable to me anymore. Only PTSD and CPTSD. They’ve messed around with these labels and it’s caused permanent damage to real abused women. And it shouldn’t be happening. The reason it’s happened is because RSD is now EUPD, so whenever I’ve tried to connect with BPD groups, people say “you don’t have that” definitely not. And that’s when I realised, the system fucked up big time.

Being raped by older men in childhood taught me a lot about the world around us and how institutions and power dynamics work. I learned that at a very very young age. I kept quiet. But now I’ve erupted…

I sometimes feel like in 1938, when they created the “BPD” label to describe “traumatised women”, they disguised it in such a way to silence them so men could still abuse women. If Steve Cargill was a decent man, don’t you think he wouldn’t cover it up? If he could emotionally abuse me like that as a mental health professional, bearing in mind, he knows emotional abuse is my biggest external trigger, I can’t imagine what he’s doing to other women who don’t have my level of awareness or intelligence.

He decided to emotionally abuse me in a letter to externally trigger it so they can say “see look, I’ve triggered her weaknesses, it’s BPD”.

The fact they’re even allowed to do that is disturbing. Highly disturbing.

At least my natural character is a nice person, unlike these people who pretend to help others but crush them with the very weight that permanently damaged them in the first place.

That’s what the NHS Mental Health system does to abused women.

Especially neurodivergent ones. At least I know as an INFJ I have the power to recover, and then I’ll sue for damages and distress.

I just need to focus on getting me back, and making sure men like this do not have a place within mental health teams.

Don’t trust NHS Highland too easily. Have you seen the news recently? About the NHS trust cover up in Glasgow?

They’re all the same. Of course they’re going to cover mine up. It’s what they do best.

Unfortunately for them, I’m an INFJ.

If no one believes me? That’s fine. I don’t mind. The “BPD” label has been thrown around to describe women in general – in fact the majority of people diagnosed with it don’t even have it. They go through one abusive incident and suddenly BPD is on their records for life.

A core symptom of complex PTSD is “no one will understand you”. Although to be honest; you have to go through it to understand what it is and I didn’t get it easily. It took about between 80-100 traumas to hit me in full force. It wasn’t an overnight thing. And I think BPD is dissociative PTSD, and CPTSD develops because of untreated dissociative PTSD. The symptoms of dissociative PTSD are the exact same as BPD. That’s how I recovered from my BPD in my younger years after rape. Went to counselling and worked through trauma CBT booklets. Now I have CPTSD; I’m stuck, but it’s fine. We can get there.

In America, CPTSD is still described as BPD because America refuses to put CPTSD in the DSM. Obviously to hurt women. But it does have PTSD attacks.

We need to get rid of Steve Cargill. Any man that abuses a woman intentionally can go to hell.

Isn’t it amazing, that I don’t meet the criteria for BPD (dissociative PTSD) whenever I recover from it because it comes and goes, but I’ll only get diagnosed with it after being emotionally abused?

Yeah well. Emotional abuse is hard to prove.

And I’ve never been violent or abusive to a man in a relationship.

So work that one out.

Who are the real enemies?

Men.

So tick tock Steve Cargill, because when I recover from my PTSD attacks, I’ll share my story to the world. And you can run but you can’t hide from your discriminatory attitudes towards abused women.