CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

I knew I had ADHD ever since early 2000. No one listened to me as a woman because I presented differently from the stereotypical “boy” presentation. Unfortunately, that got worse over time whilst the world was trying to present it as a superpower. 🦸

If it was a superpower, I’d be the first to point that out. Except I always do wonder, despite my family history, despite me having hEDS which is connected to inattentive ADHD, why would they miss it in me growing up. They labelled me as “weak learning”, “disorganised”, “no sense of danger” which lead me experience multiple traumatic situations especially with older men. They also said “she has superb creativity and excellent writing ability”. I had racing thoughts – the hyperactivity was in my mind.

I was born with what’s formally known as Asperger’s Syndrome and ADHD. This lead me to be diagnosed with two different types of Autism as a teenager when I’ve finally realised, since being with my recent ex partner, one of those types of ASD I was diagnosed was my inattentive ADHD but trying to get any psychiatrist to listen to you is a civilian battle in itself.

I developed PTSD in 2018 from all my traumatic experiences after an emotionally abusive incident flashed me back into the past.

I’ve had to experience the same level of discrimination by NHS Highlands mental health team I did in 2018 when I was blamed for fighting my PTSD attacks. Prior to 2018 I solely had bipolar type 1 associated with creativity and ADHD. Now I’ve developed further issues on top.

This is how women are treated by the system.

I was forgotten by the system. And they blame me for the consequences of that. Never taking accountability for their own mistakes or their negligence which has caused this volcanic eruption of expressive anger that is hard to contain when they’re so content on bringing abused women down who are neurodivergent.

In fact many people, especially those with the hyperactive type say “yeah you’re not ADHD” when I have the inattentive type. I don’t have the hyperactive type so I will present differently.

I struggle with keeping on task, reading my books properly, even though I love reading, which always causes me internal conflict, I have to battle the effects of having my ADHD missed so long but I recently had an amazing psychiatrist at New Craig’s who which I’m so surprised about, picked up my ASD and CPTSD.

My ADHD hasn’t been picked up yet or the bipolar type 1 because I was only sectioned for a short period of time and I recently collapsed because my psychiatric nurse listed it as “Emotionally unstable”, the ADHD I was born with then decided to completely ignore my PTSD and CPTSD.

I have physical complications from emotional abuse, have to sit rocking in my room in fear, and having so many flashbacks of past traumatic events that I wonder how could they be so heartless?

I don’t trust NHS Highland anymore. They rejected me ADHD medication and trauma focused therapy for my CPTSD and have left me in a state of turmoil.

They never wanted to help me.

That’s now clear for me to see. They made that clear after I read Steve Cargill’s letter. That’s when I did the INFJ foorslamThe SNP let me down. I don’t think they know what neurodivergence is. And I definitely think they cause more problems for those who need support – the correct support tailored to their needs.

Being an INFJ-t type personality, when you throw that into the mix, can be detrimental to both the INFJ-t and the people around them because when they reach that breaking point, others know about it.