I keep rocking on the floor, expressing my intrusive memories, and pacing with outbursts of random emotion. I didn’t want to be externally triggered again, but I have a feeling that Steve Cargill wants to kill me hence he used my prior emotional abuse against me.
I hope I pull through. Then we can sue them for what they’ve done to me. Deliberately.
I can accept mistakes, but not intentional emotional abuse especially after scraping myself out of such intense PTSD attacks over the last few months.
That’s absolutely disgusting. That’s unnecessary. It’s vile. And they should not be allowed to do that.
I’m planning the court case.
So 1. I’m recording when I go into my PTSD attacks without putting on here that’s visbible.
2. Keeping a diary of my symptoms, paying for a private trauma focused therapist so will arrange that or find a charity willing to help me.
3. Working through the PTSD and CPTSD workbooks.
4. Getting my sertraline and starting that.
5. Getting all my history together ready for court.
This is the second time the NHS has tried to cover up my PTSD.
The first time I ran in 2018. Now it’s complex and irreversible. They tried to cover it up again.
This time, I stay. And fight for my rights.
Because in their minds, “CPTSD never goes away, we need to cover it up”.
Well damage my brain deliberately? Use the abuse I’ve experienced repeatedly throughout my life against me?
Who even are you?
You have no empathy.
You’ve messed with the wrong woman.
Apparently I should call NHS 111 at the hub, but I don’t trust them. I have reason not to.
My recent ex said he’s getting blamed for it by his friends who work in the mental health team for asking them to section me in the first place when he was trying to help me.
Excuse me, but I thought I had bipolar disorder because my brain numbed out and forgot about 2018 because it was a traumatic event. I finally realised it really was CPTSD after the psychiatrist asked me about my childhood. And I started reliving those events.
Now they’ve deleted the records. That’s why I’m angry. Because I dislike cover ups. They don’t wash well with me.
This fight has only just begun. This is my fight for survival.


Well you’ll be waiting a long time for me to come out the crisis if you keep re-triggering it with the main type of abuse that caused it.
Just saying.
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