CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

It hurt me, I went into an emotional flashback and ran out of Bruce gardens.

I didn’t want to experience 2018 all over again. Steve triggered it with his letter just as I was picking myself back up.

He blamed me for my past relationships.

Blamed me.

What a way to make a woman feel worthless right?

Lara never wanted us together anyway. She said “what you doing with her she has BPD”. At the time I was on my sertraline so I had numbed what happened in England out and I thought at the time what’s wrong with BPD? Isn’t it a label given to woman victims of abuse?

I was really confused.

Then my partners neighbours ganged up on me, and did what they did. I wouldn’t expect anything less from the Scottish people tbh. They treat people with mental health like rubbish. When we are the victims of abuse. Not them. They can’t even handle a swear word. No offence.

So no Patrick, I’ll never be okay again. If it came back, with new symptoms? I’m screwed for the rest of my life because I took a chance in England and fucked myself over.

I thought about going on tinder recently seeing how I’d act sleeping with someone else, but I know my body and brain will go into intense fear and my ptsd will kick off all over again.

And now my brains changed forever.

And the mental health team wrote me off.

With a damaged brain.

This is the part when I turn into someone I never even wanted to be. PTSD is dangerous. It’s just going to get worse. How do you think criminals are made? I don’t want to be one of those.

I need to fight for myself back. I feel like June Osbourne. That’s who I’ll become.