CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

I’m only talking to him because I have his second hand items on my Vinted and it will take him too long to upload them. And because we have court together next week.

We haven’t been meeting up or anything. Only when needed so I can give him and send him Vinted money. So it’s civil.

Not because I have a fear of abandonment. I’ve never had a fear of abandonment because abandonment was my childhood. I only had myself to bring up. So I don’t know what to compare that to. My sexual violence I encountered as a child made me experience intense emotions in some relationships I admit so I’d feel safer when single and alone. Don’t even know if I’m making any sense? If that’s BPD? Then okay BPD must be PTSD.

Once he’s paid off as I owe him some money too when I was stuck for money before ADP helped me, then we go our separate ways. That’s the only reason I’m talking to him. Nothing more.

They label that as a borderline?

I’ve had way too many ptsd attacks to even think why they would cover up my label like that. Not the psychiatrist who diagnosed me with CPTSD by the way, I need to get in touch with him for the letter and evidence – he’s the only decent psychiatrist there.

It’s horrible what Steve did. I keep ruminating over it. It’s really affected me because it’s not nice living in intense fear everyday and having emotional flashbacks. It’s torture.

We can’t stay in touch for too long because I’ll get PTSD attacks around him.

It’s life isn’t it. Have a rubbish childhood, rubbish upbringing, and now have a damaged brain for life for making choices that weren’t good for me.