CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

There’s something on my social services records – apparently a rumour went round that said I slept with my cousin as a child.

I didn’t.

But he did used to ask me to undress for him and all sorts.

And so did my dad’s brother.

Half are convicted for sexual abuse offences.

I opened up about that as a child but was called a liar.

I have a family of abusers. The men.

The girls are traumatised.

There’s about 40 of us.

No one was going to believe me. They all trauma bond.

I did not sleep with my cousin.

I just was in a trapped situation I couldn’t get out of because social services didn’t want to provide me with a stable home.

That was never my fault.

I had an alcohol addiction as a child but managed to get over that and abstain from that.

So yeah. I had a pretty horrible life.

The only thing I had was my books and my creativity.

Until recently when it’s hard to focus why I’m flash-backing into the past.