CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

I was with my first long term ex on/off for a number of years, and I wasn’t getting pregnant. At 18 I had a positive test and the doctors said oh sorry you’ve had a miscarriage and to let it pass as it’s early stages. Not even sure if that’s on my GP records but it’s on the hospital ones in England somewhere but they said they couldn’t find my notes a few years back as when they changed systems a lot of notes went missing.

He lived at mine, nothing was happening, it caused a lot of problems in our relationship. We tried for about years, nothing was happening. I knew I was infertile after that and it was too late. Then I developed PMDD and endometriosis symptoms.

Anyway he decided to find a woman on the internet and then got her pregnant straight away. When you loved someone that much, yeah it sliced into my heart just a bit. I was broken. I didn’t get CPTSD until my next relationship I had which wasn’t a healthy one. That’s why I thought my brain changed in 2018. It did change but in a different way.

Then PTSD has pretty much always been there because of my parents and childhood abuse and trauma.

I lied to the services and said I was pregnant in the hope I’ll get a scan so I can be fixed. Turns out it’s also in the PTSD workbook. My gynaecology issues. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 15 – in the PTSD workbook.

I’m suffering from the long term effects of untreated PTSD.

And Steve’s taken away my access to trauma therapy.

Yeah. Upset isn’t the word. Betrayed? Probably. Definitely.

My ex said “I always wanted you to have my baby, you broke me”. Like my woman’s health was my fault.

Yeah. I just unintentionally break men because I don’t work do I.

So this is where Steve Cargill’s letters don’t make sense.

He said I have BPD but no PTSD symptoms. If you meet the criteria for BPD you also meet the criteria for PTSD. So that’s why professionals think BPD and CPTSD are the same thing, when it’s not, CPTSD is basically traumatised people with a history of prolonged trauma with the core diagnostic tool of BPD that comes and goes & PTSD symptoms.

It used to be known as DESNOS. I was diagnosed with that years ago alongside mixed personality disorder.

Their BPD diagnosis is completely wrong and it’s damaged my brain for life.

I’m extremely distressed as my body shakes, my hands twitch, why did Steve do this to me?

I was sitting rocking in my room most of the time for months scared to go out.

That’s why I didn’t make it to the MH team. I don’t have BPD and I’m going to end up not saying anything and killing myself for not being listened to.

They don’t need to know if I do that.

Like Hemingway, we are a team.