CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

So that’s where my relationship PTSD comes from.

So how do I fix that?

1. Get myself to a stable level, get my sertraline, and start it. I’m not strong enough to go through Carl Jung’s individuation process. I have too many long term physical effects of childhood sexual abuse.

2. Find a neurotypical man, that’s not an external trigger of past abusers, to ask if they want to do the graded exposure experiment with me but has to be a gradual process as my body will react. My brain will react and they’re going to have to be strong enough to control me through the process.

3. Record each process. And work through the PTSD workbook as well as the CPTSD workbook.

4. It’s the only hope I have in life to reset my body and mind.

The last hope.

Then I can work on the psychological manipulation stuff.

I’m just not ready yet. It’s too dangerous.

And I have to wait until my recent ex gets over me. So it doesn’t hurt him.

I haven’t half put myself in it have I?

I should have just told the police the truth when I was younger. How could I have been so stupid? I was too ashamed.

I could have got the help maybe, but he threatened me. Came up to my home and my school.

Then when I moved here I had a mysterious death threat and the guy who raped me kept trying to add me on social media all the time. I kept blocking him but he’d keep trying to contact me.

I think it’s because he knew what he did, and he was scared because he’s got kids now, that he’d get done for it.

I’m only interested in my self-healing. Besides, I don’t have enough evidence so you’re safe. I’m not. As long as you haven’t raped anyone else since I couldn’t give a 💩

My cousin went through the same thing but she was let down and has CPTSD now too. The police dropped the charges.

We all were really close, but men destroyed us.

I wish Steve didn’t become someone I could distrust too.

Everyone wanted to break me. And shatter me when I was already broken.