CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

My BPD comes and goes.

It has to be PTSD. I don’t fit in with the new term for BPD – EUPD, only the original 1938 term to describe traumatised women.

So in other words, I have PTSD and CPTSD at the same time.

Brilliant.

How to tell the difference? RSD is pervasive

BPD comes and goes because it’s PTSD.

Psychologists can test this easily. If they get anyone with a diagnosis of EUPD to be assessed for ADHD.

Whyyyy.

I’m actually mad because I could have had trauma therapy years ago if they didn’t go mixing RSD up with real BPD (PTSD) instead of chucking the labels round.

That helped. Now I’m trapped with CPTSD.

So in other words; how they can fix this is remove BPD under personality disorders and replace it with the name EUPD, and put the real BPD people like me, Hemingway etc, who’s gone through severe trauma, and put them under PTSD.

Because CPTSD is the outcome of untreated BPD (childhood PTSD).

So yeah psychiatry have made a massive cock up. Unfortunately. And I’ve had to suffer as a result.

So basically, I was doomed from the start. And I was born with ADHD and Autism.

My brain can’t even read a book at the moment. I can’t eat. I’m just working through the PTSD workbooks trying to get rid of the BPD again.

I’m just expressing myself.

Please stop throwing these labels around. We are traumatised and tired. I hope I recover from CPTSD. I could handle the BPD that came and went. But the CPTSD – that’s on another level.

How do I know this? I did the BEST score on my ex partner. He has ADHD and met the criteria for BPD but he doesn’t have BPD he has RSD.

Not all people with ADHD get RSD. Even he said to me that makes sense actually.

That’s why sertraline got rid of my BPD in 2018 when doctors were saying it was PTSD.

They’re confusing RSD with BPD. Look at amber heard. She had RSD. Not BPD.

EUPD is RSD

BPD is PTSD

And I’m AuDHD, bipolar and CPTSD, PTSD. I’ve got a tennis match going on in my brain.

And now I’m screwed for life because I’m going to have PTSD attacks around men because I was sexually abused as a child. My nervous system gave up.

I need to trial it when I’m more at a level. With someone who won’t get feelings for me or emotionally attached. Otherwise my graded exposure plan won’t work with men.

I can’t have feelings for them.

And slowly let my nervous system heal itself through feeling safe around men.

I just need to find a man when I’m ready who’s willing to trial it and reverse my relationship PTSD symptoms.

I need me back.

Who’s going to be interested in someone as ugly as I am?

Probably no body. I can’t even positive anymore.

I’m just stuck.

Scared.

Can’t even have a conversation with my ex partner without feeling sick and it’s not even him that caused this.

It’s my childhood sexual abuse that’s caught up with me. And psychological manipulation from caregivers.

Any man wants to take on the challenge? But be warned I’ll go straight into PTSD attacks so you’re going to have to be strong enough to handle that…

The objective is to reset my nervous system so it feels safe around men. I can’t do it with my recent ex because he has ADHD like my dad.

Has to be someone who’s neurotypical. I’ve never dated someone long term that’s neurotypical so it’s quite uncomfortable for me. But it has to be a neurotypical for my nervous system to heal itself so I don’t deteriorate even more.

I know people are scared of women with BPD, but I’ve never reported any of my abuses to the police I just kept everything inside, my cousins reported my rape to the police, I told the police I lied because I didn’t want the attention in childhood.

Even writing about it is giving me extreme stomach pain, intense fear and nausea.

Please tell me it gets better.