CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

I’m designing a plan today to try and recover from a lifetime of narcissistic abuse on top of my other traumas. I’m meeting my CPN on Tuesday so we can organise my thoughts in a realistic manner so I’m not hypertuned to false alarms.

Maybe I shouldn’t have reacted against The Highland Council, but it was a survival mechanism. I felt I needed to be alone to be able to retrain my brain and have a sense of hope that the prolonged abuse I’ve suffered with in my life can be reversed so I feel comfortable forming friendships and relationships again. They refused me a home and wanted me to go back to the same place I was traumatised. But then, when have the Scottish ever liked the English? I always thought the Scottish people were supposed to be kind. It took that trust away.

I don’t have any friends anymore.

I don’t have anybody.

Just me and my creativity 💕 I suppose a lifetime of putting others needs before my own damaged my own brain 🧠 and made me see the world as a war zone as opposed to a safe environment.

Yet, the UK government declined my PIP when younger so I couldn’t get the help I need, rejected by NHS mental health teams, and I’m left with permanent damage which Scotland have to pick up the pieces.

I wish the council didn’t bring me down the other day like that. I’ve gone through enough in my life without others intentionally wanting to be intimidating.

It’s going to be hard to regain that trust. What people don’t understand about CPTSD is the abuse originates in childhood. It can be activated as an adult at any time if there’s a significant trigger like emotional abuse, or a reminder of the person who harmed you in childhood. That’s what happened to me.

If the system penalises you for wanting to avoid people to protect yourself from your PTSD attacks, the problem lies with them, not you.