CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

I never go shopping, very rarely. But today I went sale shopping. To see how I’d manage back outside, whether I’ll go into my emotional flashbacks and PTSD attacks. I was hoping the PTSD attacks would pass by themselves.

I nearly did. I had to hold it in. So I don’t stay outside very long. I always buy food but can never eat it. I have intermittent Dysphagia as part of my hEDS. Sometimes I can eat, sometimes I can’t. It depends whether I’m in a flare up or not.

No one understands hEDS.

It’s dangerous to eat sometimes. I nearly choked on my food. It got stuck. I hate when it happens because I have to try force it out my mouth without choking to death.

I sometimes wish I was never abused in life because trauma is the outcome of almost all mental health conditions.

I’ve always kept the bipolar type 1 hidden from the system because it’s not a nice thing to deal with, I couldn’t sugarcoat it. It’s the worst thing. Plus, who would understand my type of bipolar anyway? 0.6% of the population have it. It’s extremely rare and you have to have a previous history of ADHD/or autism since birth. Creative expression is a symptom. But it also causes brain damage. In other words, in the future I’m going to end up like Britney Spears. The PTSD might be able to be healed. But I’m stuck with this for life. A brain illness. Not some fancy label.

The tortured genius. 1800’s bipolar is messy. Very messy. But I was born with it.

It can activate at any time. 🕰️

People with ADHD think they’re “chosen” ones.

It has to be managed well. I sit and watch from a distance and think, were people always not capable of deep thinking?