CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

I was born autistic like my brother with inattentive ADHD symptoms.

In 1997 I went on a farm trip to Bowman’s Open farm where my farm trip partner Tom Dowling was awarded millions by the local authority for becoming permanently disabled after contracting Ecoli 0157. The school became protective of me. Offered me 1:1, asked my parents to send me for an EEG in 1998 that showed absence seizures. I sometimes wonder if that was a cover up too? Was it? It’s hard to trust a system that intentionally wants to break you down. That’s why I don’t trust the local authority. Especially when you only want to feel safe and have peace. But when you’ve been surrounded by people who want to hurt you your whole life, you become someone who’s isolated, alone, self-reflective, paranoid, experiencing emotional flashbacks. Scared. Frightened. Someone who never had a voice. Who is unable to shower. Frozen in fear.

I don’t want the BPD label given back to me because of what my parents are doing to me. I already had to fight the psychological abuse in 2018 from another man.

The mental health team said they’re going to rewire my brain so I can finally live the life I deserve. I’m praying it’s true. They said I have to wait to be stable first.

Fingers crossed: I only want my education, my PTSD attacks to stop, and people to stop hurting me in life. Has that ever been too much to ask? ❤️