CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

The man who externally triggered my CPTSD most definitely has ADHD or PTSD. The thing is, he thought I was a BPD because he only knew me during a spiritual crisis that happens in both conditions. But I’ve always been AuDHD and CPTSD.

The additional PTSD on top of the above is the worst. When you have 800 pages of childhood trauma paperwork your brain thinks “Oh here we go again” flash me back. And I end up in multiple PTSD attacks. I’ve had to isolate myself in my room away from my housemates because I’m in a shared house and don’t want them witnessing my PTSD attacks. I did have a TikTok account but it was hard to find others with genuine DESNOS (now known as CPTSD). And PTSD occurring at the same time.

So if you’ve never been attracted to me you either have ASD/ADHD/PTSD or BPD/NPD.

I can’t just date anyone. And now because of the severity of my CPTSD my psychiatrist has said I have to be single, I don’t have a choice. He didn’t say it in those words. But he knows. And so do I. My nervous system is stuck in survival mode since childhood and sleeping with others, having a romantic relationship, can cause severe physical ailments.

I knew. I studied CPTSD a long time ago before it was in the ICD. Except how do I explain that to a man with ADHD and rejection sensitivity dysphoria if I randomly left him. We’ve agreed to stay friends. Engage in our grounding hobbies together. But that’s as far as me and my recent ex are going.

I’ve always been neurodivergent.

My life will forever be destroyed and I’m only 33.

I have no choice but to stand alone.