CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

Me and my recent ex partner understand each other in ways no one else will. We just were never meant to be together. We knew that quite early on in the relationship.

We stopped sleeping together about a year ago, but I knew if I had to leave – because of the 2018 incident with the man who intentionally harmed me, it would send my brain into a spiritual crisis. This is what I wanted prevented. It’s not fear of abandonment. It’s the nervous system perceiving a threat as my recent ex looked after me and kept me safe.

Here’s the issue I had. He has ADHD – just like my dad. He also displays some highly narcissistic traits – just like my dad. My dad who built his business in a care home crying for his parents because his father passed away. He said he sat by the window for three years crying for his dad and it lead him to become extremely emotionally attached to his mum. I knew this in my ex too. I just didn’t want him to be labelled as a narcissist due to the stigma associated with it, when like BPD – it too is a childhood trauma disorder. Most people who are Autistic or ADHD generations ago will grow up with some kind of PTSD or personality disorder – because you were punished for being neurodivergent and hidden away in institutions. I knew my recent ex had ADHD and a PD, so I wanted to make sure he had something to focus on so introduced him to a new way to make money. It kept him focused, out of trouble, and I convinced him to get on a plane. Neither of us were perfect – we both have ADHD – just deal with it in different ways. I wanted him to step away from his problematic behaviours and he keeps himself busy, goes fishing, and it keeps him at a stable level. Unfortunately, one of his so called friends who didn’t know him that well did not know that he had rejection sensitivity dysphoria and that would have flared up his symptoms by making up lies about my intentions because he never gave me the chance to explain. But then he probably has ADHD too. I have a history of dating men who others call narcissists – I carried out ADHD assessments on them. They all met the criteria. Because I’m ADHD I can calm others with ADHD down to an extent – but if they have another associated mental health condition it can be more challenging. My brother has ADHD. It runs in my family. My grandfather was adopted by a police officer because his parents didn’t want him because of ADHD. I parented my father with ADHD. I used to roll my eyes at the local authority as a child when they said “You need to listen to your father”. I just laughed and said “Yeah, we are both ADHD – so neither of us listen to each other. They did not find that amusing. His NPD causes problems though. He’s working hard on addressing it. He’s been revisiting his childhood places where he was traumatised and focusing on his business. It’s sometimes best to leave them to focus on their creativity of setting up businesses and making money because it keeps them focused as they can have a competitive nature. You just need a strong personality to take on the challenges of differences in communication as you can develop CPTSD from unintentional psychological harm. Please be mindful of that. You have to try and manage that within yourself first to connect with someone with ADHD as they see the world differently. Nearly all of our behaviours first originate from childhood trauma. Why do you think that the only soldiers who come back from war, whom had a history of childhood trauma develop PTSD, but soldiers who haven’t usually don’t. Think about that one. I also have PTSD. A separate condition to CPTSD but it feels like someone has traumatised my brain and the avoidance, hypervigilance, twitching, all sorts – but that comes and goes. CPTSD is always there.

I’m sorry to say – but we have to start supporting neurodivergence from childhood – because you’ll have a generation of traumatised neurodivergents in the future wreaking havoc on the world.

I was speaking to a woman earlier who noticed I was suffering from PTSD symptoms and she said “It’s a bit weird here isn’t it?” People are so afraid to talk about mental health. She was from England too. I said tell me about it. They have a lot to learn.