CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

Diary entry from 2018.

I fell for someone I shouldn’t have. But I wasn’t looking at the time. He approached me.

My brain then changed and I started experiencing PTSD symptoms and people kept saying it was bipolar lol. Yeah emotional abuse can give off the same effects. more rapid cycling effects though. Did he really love me like he said? He refused to communicate with me. I couldn’t tell if I was emotionally abused or not at the time. Until it was triggered back recently by someone who wanted to put me down. Sometimes it’s hard to tell when it’s subtle, but I have gaps in my memory as lost my education, home, and everything at that time. And I’ve only had myself in life.

Anyway…

I kept trying to resign from work because of the PTSD attacks, and no one was allowing me to. I sat there thinking, why do they want me in work when I’m in the state I am now and time hopping. After 3 months passed, they were happy for me to leave. I then applied for PIP and the man there laughed at me and I flew into a PTSD attack at him because he was a medical professional too, and said “haha BPD”.

So I ended up losing my home as had no money for 4 months, fled to Scotland. Then I was re-traumatised. People are very mean. I now have to go to court and prove I’m disabled in a month. All because I’m AuDHD and have a high IQ. I was born with a high IQ it doesn’t affect the same areas of the brain that PTSD does you know. Honestly, the system sometimes.

Hmm…