CPTSD/Disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified

My dad said recently. Natalie your mum is trying to hurt you. You can’t react. She’s capable of more than you know. You have no idea who she is or what she can do.

I know that dad. I know. Why can’t I just focus on my degree instead of all these PTSD attacks?

I’m staying calm. She can try take me down and isolate me from everyone. She’s never loved me anyway. Not that I ever needed her. Don’t worry.

This is why the council were so mean to me. I wouldn’t have this impression if they didn’t call my mother that day. They’ve just put my life on the line.

They need to not contact my mum.

About me.

At all.

She does not love me. Or care about me. You all have to realise that. She’s afraid of her self-image wiped.

She thinks she’s in competition with me.

I am not in competition with her. I’m trying to fight this PTSD so I can get on with my life. I don’t understand why she plays these silly games.

Who’s going to listen to the daughter of narcissists. No body. I’m just the child that was chosen to be hurt the most. Ironic isn’t it?

The person who stands alone had no choice but to stand alone since birth on her own two feet.

I don’t understand what games they’re playing, but they can’t play around with conditions like mine.

I just want to be free from all this. Maybe one day.